


Dear Queer Auntie

by without_a_license



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Humor, M/M, maybe gen, preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/without_a_license/pseuds/without_a_license
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is outed at some nebulous point during OotP, and it is as horrible and angst-filled as it could be. Snape tries to help by being very slightly less of a bastard than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Queer Auntie

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno if anyone will read this, but I wrote to get it out of my head. I have schoolwork I should be doing, geez. Not as dark as it sounds, if it sounds dark at all. Warnings for: homophobia, nasty schoolboy taunts, use of the F-word (the gay slur, not the four-letter one), Snape's POV and he does still think Harry's a mostly-useless brat. I amused myself, so perhaps it will amuse you.

Harry Potter careens into Severus' office the way he always does: rude, sullen, and late. The brat collapses into his chair in a flurry of furious embarrassment and teenage-boy-sweat.

"I guess you've heard, too, huh? No need to pry into my mind tonight! Everyone knows, the Boy Who Lived is a bloody poof!" He sounds near-hysterics.

Severus has, in fact, heard, though he'd been uncertain as to whether it was fact or merely a tenacious rumor. He's resisted restraining his pupils for that reason, and for the fact that Draco Malfoy has rather a good cause to dislike homosexuals. He feels the boy deserves his little revenge for his parents' loveless marriage, and who better to act as whipping boy than Saint Potter? 

"Five points for language and lack of proper respect, Mr. Potter," Severus murmurs silkily. "And may I say, it is certainly lucky for you that you never knew your father, as there was nothing James Potter hated more than greasy…little…faggots." 

Potter bursts into messy, angry tears. As Severus is contemplating how many points "obnoxious displays of emotion" are worth, the boy exclaims, "Fuck! You'd better just do it now, get it over with, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care!" Rather than take more points, which seems likely to lead to a never-ending cycle, Severus complies.

" _Legilimens._ "

If he had any doubt that the teenager was truly queer, it is quickly obliterated in a swirling mass of hyperactive adolescent angst. 

\--A very young Harry--thirteen?--watches Oliver Wood step naked from the showers and saunter, dripping, through the locker room. As the child stares, the young man looks over his shoulder, winks, and squeezes his own crotch.

\--A more recent memory, Finnegan's stupid voice, "D'you think he lets Hooch bugger him with the broomsticks?" A chorus of "Eeewww"s and giggles.

\--Fourteen-year-old Harry stuttering painfully through a conversation with Bill Weasley, desperately obvious. "So…er…curses. That…um…D'you like it?" The Weasley tolerates his questions with humiliating pity, and Potter's cheeks burn.

\--Draco Malfoy, in a darkened lavatory. "Get on your knees, then, Potter. I know you want it. I'll let you suck me…if you beg." "Fuck yourself with a basilisk, Malfoy!" Potter screeches. But he _does_ want it, and his prick betrays him…

\--Another Weasley: "It's not true, is it, mate? I told them off, told 'em you were crazy about Cho." A pause. "Oh… But, y'know, you've…seen me naked and stuff. In the showers. Did you…you know I'm straight, right?"

\--A detailed fantasy, still fuzzy around the edges. Potter sitting on the edge of the Prefect's bath, Diggory rising slowly out of the water. He grins and reaches for Potter's hard prick. "I'll do you and then you do me, okay? Cheers!" He flashes that brilliant smile again and sinks down onto Potter's cock, warm, wet, _so good_ …

\--A compilation of recent memories, dripping with angst: Longbottom edging down the bench in the Great Hall, a sickly smile on his fat face; Granger slamming a stack of books down on a table, "I've checked out _Gilbert Glimmer's Gay Grimoire_ …" Dean Thomas murmuring softly, "They ought to at least put him in a separate room;" Ernie MacMillan shuffling Hufflepuffs pompously until Potter ends up the sole student at a soil bed set for four; Potter walking through the main hall to a crowd jeering disgusting insults, calling him Hagrid's fucktoy, asking how much it costs to come in his arsehole…

\--Potter wanking furiously in his four poster, curtains drawn, silencing spells up, to an image of long white fingers manipulating the plump round bodies of baby diricawl as though they were bollocks, the remembered sound of a soft, deep voice explaining the intricacies of a deadly poison…

"ENOUGH!" Snape roars as he withdraws. The boy's memories are painful in more than one way. The cruel taunting reminds him far too heavily of his own adolescence, although James Potter's arrogant face is on the wrong side of things. The flights of fancy…well. The cast of characters may be different, but anyone would be aroused by a fit young Quidditch player, or a blowjob from a beautiful boy.

A beautiful _dead_ boy. Potter's a bit sick, really, to still be getting off to thoughts of Diggory. Then again, Severus' intimate imaginings are not so pure that he can cast stones. Just now, in fact, he finds himself unwillingly picturing the boy in front of him red-faced and teary for an entirely different reason…

He controls himself.

Potter cleans his face with the sleeve of his robes, as though his wand is merely an interesting stick he'd found on the ground. Idiot boy. 

"Potter," Snape hisses, "What _mad delusion_ could have _possibly_ suggested to you that those would be appropriate thoughts to share with a _professor_?"

"I didn't mean to!" the boy cries angrily. No self-control whatsoever. " _You_ did it! You stole those thoughts from me! Y-you're the one who's sick!" 

And now he blames Severus for his own failings. The brat is irritatingly predictable. For one brief moment, Severus teeters on the edge of a moral dilemma. He could destroy the boy's self-esteem further, ensure that he remains as miserable as he is now… He glances again at the teenager in front of him. Potter is angrily brushing away tears, clearly hating himself as much as he hates his tormenters. That decides it. Snape chooses to commit one of his very, very rare acts of mercy.

"I did not _steal_ your memories, you cretinous fool. I performed the agreed upon spell, at your urging, and gained access to your current strongest thoughts and memories. If you did not _wish_ me to know everything about your pathetic teenage daydreams, perhaps you should have _cleared your mind,_ as I have been instructing you for _months_ to do."

Potter begins to protest, and Snape stops him with a raised hand.

" _However,_ your unreasonable luck holds again, as you have bared your deepest, most disgusting thoughts to one of the few people here at Hogwarts who has a hope of understanding them." 

Potter sniffles, long and obnoxious. Christ Merlin, Severus is a saint. 

"Y-you're-? You? I mean--everyone said, but--" 

Severus sighs and deflates, slightly.

"Merlin's sake, boy, shut up. Yes, I am queer. No, I have no desire to listen to your dunderheaded stuttering. Everyone hates poofters, especially at this age, so you'd do best to keep to yourself and avoid looking at them. The one perk of being so horribly outed is that young wizards from all houses will now approach you for their own experimentations. You will not lack for sex. Get good at Obliviating them afterward and you'll save yourself further embarrassment. If you want to know about the mechanics, lubrication spells and whatnot, ask Miss Granger to look it up. I shall not be your Dear Queer Auntie. Never tell me about your adolescent fumbling and never ask me about mine. Feel better?" 

He spits out the last few sentences as though they physically pain him. The boy is looking up at him over his glasses as though he's just seen the sun rise. It's giving Severus acid reflux.

"Can I ask you one question?" the boy says with a shy little smile. Severus waves a hand at him. He's feeling generous. 

"Lucius Malfoy is really gay, isn't he, sir?"

He glares at Potter. 

"Ten points from Gryffindor for stating the obvious. Get out, lesson's over, I need a drink." 

The boy grins and pops up happily, his usual annoyingly chipper self. His cheeky expression sets Snape's teeth to grinding. 

"Potter!" 

The boy looks up expectantly.

"If young Mr. Malfoy hexes your bits off, I shall not reattach them for you." 

Potter laughs and trips out the door, slap happy on tears and confessions. Severus pours himself a double and prays the Dark Lord curses the brat with impotence. He deserves an order of Merlin. First Class.


End file.
